Divorce is a topic no one wants to talk about. It’s one of those subjects Muslims often avoid. People hide from it, just like the other uncomfortable topic in this edition. But we must talk about both and explain them clearly. If we go through either, we should know what to do, In sha Allah. Today, I’ll talk about how to make divorce work, In sha Allah.

Step 1:

First, acknowledge that both of you tried everything to make your marriage work. This step is crucial. Many walk away before giving it their full effort. They forget the good times and just say, “I’m done.” That’s not the right mindset, dear brothers and sisters. We should think, “I will try my best for the sake of Allah SWT. If it doesn’t work, then khair, In sha Allah—I did my part.”

At every stage, keep making Istikhara. Ask Allah SWT for guidance and clarity. Involve the elders if needed. Their advice and help can sometimes resolve deep issues.

Allah SWT says in the Qur’an:
If a couple fears separation, you shall appoint an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from her family; if they decide to reconcile, God will help them get together. God is Omniscient, Cognizant. (Quran 4:35)

Step 2:

After giving it your best, say, “Alhamdulillah, we tried. It wasn’t meant to be.” Accept the reality. This step is emotionally tough. Letting go is not easy. You may have spent just a few years or even twenty together. Life now changes. Maybe you weren’t happy, but you were comfortable. Now you must let go and trust Allah for what comes next.

For women, this can be extra difficult. Many rely financially on their spouse. After divorce, they may have to find work and care for the kids. The husband may or may not provide support. As for men, they may rely on their wives for daily care—cooking, cleaning, emotional support. Now he must start over, learning someone new all over again. It’s uncomfortable. SubhanAllah.

This phase requires time and trust in Allah SWT.

Allah SWT says in the Qur’an:
Seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah]. (Quran 2:45)

Step 3:

Life moves on. Alhamdulillah, they’ve now separated and plan to co-parent. This stage brings another challenge. People start asking, “Whose fault was it?” Everyone wants to blame someone. Some couples stay together just to avoid that judgment. They remain miserable just so no one points fingers.

At this point, both should sit and agree on what to tell others. Usually, both families already know what happened. So, there’s no need to go into detail. Just say, “It wasn’t meant to be. Alhamdulillah, we tried our best.”

Blaming each other leads to shouting, insults, and worse. Then the kids hear negative things about each parent. This becomes a huge fitnah. I’ve seen it happen. It’s terrible.

Allah SWT says in the Qur’an:
When you divorce women and they have reached their waiting-period, then either retain them in a fair manner or set them free in a fair manner; and do not retain them for injury, so that you transgress (the limits); and whoever does that is unjust to himself. And do not take Allah’s signs in mockery. Remember Allah’s blessing upon you and what He sent down to you of the Book and Wisdom to admonish you. Be in awe of Allah and know that He is All-Knowing of all things. (Quran 2:231)

In conclusion:

Before going down the road of divorce, reflect on what Allah SWT says about it. Allah SWT has allowed divorce, even though He dislikes it. So, it should always be the last resort.

Once we choose marriage, we must try our best to make it work. If it still doesn’t, then we should part with respect and honor. Do this first for Allah SWT, then for your own peace, and finally for your family—especially the children. They need love, patience, and stability.

Tell your children that you both tried. It didn’t work, but it’s not their fault. Assure them that you love them and will both work to care for them, In sha Allah.

Is it hard? Yes, very. There will be pain and heartache. But during that time, stay patient and draw closer to Allah SWT. Only He can ease the pain and bring comfort.

Deal with your feelings respectfully. Trust Allah’s plan. It might seem impossible now, but it’s not. Dear brothers and sisters, I went through divorce myself. I never imagined it. I married at 19 and always thought death would separate us—never divorce.

But Alhamdulillah, we followed these steps. My kids and family still felt heartache, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Yes, people talked. They always will. But we must trust Allah’s qadr.

Allah SWT tests us, and the closer we are to Him, the tougher the test. Always stay patient, kind, and respectful in trials. Divorce is just another test. Alhamdulillah for everything.